


Branjie - Quarantine Edition

by SabrinaHytes



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: After they broke up, Angst, Branjie, COVID, Drag Race, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Memories, Non AU, Quarantine, RPF, rpdr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrinaHytes/pseuds/SabrinaHytes
Summary: This is set on May 2020, during the COVID quarantine. Vanjie and Brooke are actually both living in LA, a block away from each other. They've been interacting a lot through Instagram (all of this is true), and I wondered what would happen if, during all this alone time, Brooke started questioning his feelings for Vanjie and decided to make a bold move in an Instagram Live, hoping Vanjie would see it.Read to find out what happens!
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 45
Kudos: 59





	1. Brooke goes live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever fanfic so be nice!
> 
> Okay, so I was inspired by the recent Instagram interactions between B and V. Mainly this live they did together with Silky where she “read her cards” to Brooke.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=of-KRlwxLdU&app=desktop
> 
> Around minute 3’ Silky offers to read Brooke her future with a “certain someone” and there’s a really cute situation between V and B.
> 
> This is also heavily inspired in the song “The World is Ending”, which if you haven’t heard, go and do it right now because it’s AMAZING.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jO2wSpAoxA
> 
> And I just kept thinking about Branjie while I heard it, apparently they are now living like a block away from each other and you know, they have a lot free time, and time to think, so who knows, something could happen...
> 
> Well in my mind, something does!
> 
> NOTE: Everything in this chapter takes place during Brooke’s Instagram Live. The whole world is in quarantine because of COVID.

Okay, Vanjie just posted a story on his apartment with Silky. Which means he is online and available.

It's showtime.

Brooke took a deep breath, got his cellphone in the perfect position, and went live on Instagram. He had been in drag for the past half an hour, just sitting in his apartment, questioning whether this was a stupid idea or not. It probably was, but he was gonna do it anyway.

“Hello everyone, thanks for joining! How are you?”

He read a few comments and answered some trivial questions as he waited for more people to join. When the number seemed right, he started.

“So today I’m going to do a very special performance that I’ve been preparing for a while… This times are certainly… Scary… And they definitely give you a lot of time to think about things. So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About, you know, my past, my present, my future. What I want for my life. Some of the things I’ve done… Decisions I’ve made, people I’ve hurt…”

Brooke was already rambling and his anxiety was crawling up, making him mad at himself for not preparing this part better, and making him regret this whole thing already. But it was too late to back down now, so he needed to just get through with it.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about the people that I love, the people I care about.... And well, this song is dedicated to a particular person that I really, really care about, and that I know I’ve hurt and… Well that’s it. These days really feel kind of apocalyptic-like, so the next song is called The End of the World, by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels.”

He fixed his wig, made sure the angle was right, the lighting was good, he pressed play, and the lipsync started.

_I was distracted  
And in traffic  
I didn't feel it  
When the earthquake happened_

 _But it really got me thinkin'  
Were you out drinkin'?  
Were you in the living room  
Chillin' watchin' television? _

Pictures of Vanjie started flooding his mind. His beautiful, soft caramel skin. His perfectly styled hair that always smelled like coconut. The three gallons of cologne that he always used. That cologne that he had learned to love and would recognize anywhere. He kept thinking about his eyes, how they sparkled when he got excited, how they would look at him when he said something even remotely romantic. How the heat would go to his cheeks at any little comment he made, and how he would always try to hide it. Vanjie had given Brooke so much power over him, and he didn't deserve it. Because all he did with that power was break his heart. 

He didn't deserve Vanjie. He never had. Vanjie deserved the world, not a post-it.

 _It's been a year now  
Think I've figured out how  
How to let you go and let communication die out _

It actually had been a year since the show had aired. More than a year since they broke up. But he never truly let him go. If that wasn't hard enough to do on its own, imagine what it's like when the whole internet keeps reminding you of him. Of the two of you. When you even have to work together. When you have to see him perform, see the magic working - talent and charisma exuding off of him so naturally. And granted, Brooke was a professional ballet dancer, but he could never move his body like Vanjie did. No one could. The rhythm was definitely in his blood. And it was an amazing and exciting thing to watch.

_I know, you know, we know  
You weren't down for forever and it's fine.  
I know, you know, we know  
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine _

That was the line Brooke wished he could change, because he knew it wasn't true. Vanjie was definitely down for forever. He had probably been down for forever since day one. Because that's who he was. Who he is. He is a hopeless romantic who believes in prince charming and happy ever after and the notebook type of love story. That was one of the things he loved about him. And also one of the reasons it all came crashing down. Because to Brooke, the mere thought of forever, scared the crap out of him.

_But if the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
You'd come over and you'd stay the night  
Would you love me for the hell of it?  
All our fears would be irrelevant _

Brooke certainly enjoyed time for himself, but these past month had been really lonely. He had spent more night than he was willing to admit thinking about Vanjie. He missed falling asleep with him in his arms, and his head on his chest, and a leg across his body - because Vanjie always needed as much physical contact as he could have, and Brooke was happy to oblige. He missed waking up tangled in him, seeing him snuggle further on his side when he tried to wake him up. He had had some sexual encounters in the past year - not that many, to be honest - but all of them had been with guys he didn’t really care about, didn’t remember their names in some cases, and definitely didn’t spend the night. The kind of intimacy he had had with Vanjie - he never had it again with anyone else.

_If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight  
And there wouldn't be a reason why  
We would even have to say goodbye_

They were so close to each other now, yet so far apart. Brooke had decided to move to LA, and may have accidentally -or completely intentionally - bought a house just a block away from where Vanjie lived. But he moved when the quarantine was already on, so he didn’t even got a chance to invite Vanjie to see the place. I mean, Vanjie and Silky. Both of them. In a completely non-romantic way.

 _If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
Right?  
If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
Right? _

Would he…? Brooke was feeling this song more than ever before, trying hard to keep it together.

_I tried to imagine  
Your reaction  
It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened  
But it really got me thinkin'  
That night we went drinkin'  
Stumbled in the house  
And didn't make it past the kitchen _

Images of Vanjie and Brooke together flashed through his mind. All those nights after the shows, when they were both tipsy and exhausted but still couldn't keep their hands off each other. Well they could never really keep their hands off each other, even when sober. There was just so much chemistry between them. The connection was so strong. Right from the beginning, Vanjie knew exactly how to press all of his buttons. And he could do the same to him. 

_Ah, it's been a year now  
Think I've figured out how  
How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out _

You would think after this long he would be over him, right? But somehow there was still a Puerto Rican shaped hole in his heart, a hole that he constantly tried to ignore.

_I know, you know, we know  
You weren't down for forever and it's fine  
I know, you know, we know  
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine _

The verses of the song started repeating and he lip synced them more intensely every time. He wasn't even sure why he was even doing this. It's not like he actually wanted to get back together with him... I mean, he did, but it was pointless, because it would never work. Yes, he still loved him, for sure. He never stopped - Brooke had admitted that to himself a long time algo -, but nothing had really changed. Their schedules would still be crazy once quarantine was over - maybe even more now with Drag Race Canada airing soon and Vanjie's show in Vegas, and everything that had been postponed this past months. He was still terrified of commitment. He was pretty sure he still couldn't handle Vanjie's jealousy and there was no way he could live up to his expectations. 

But still... He missed him. So much.

He could stand the pain of things going sideways again if he thought they actually had a chance. But what Brooke could not stand was hurting Vanjie. Again.

_If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?_

The song ended and Brooke kept his gaze down. Not really wanting to read the comments - he could imagine what they'd be like. He also didn’t have the guts to check if Vanjie was watching him. If he had watched. If he had said anything.

He looked up at the screen after a few seconds and saw hundreds of comments flooding in, but he ignored them.

"It kinda does feel like the world is ending, right?”

He stared deeply into his phone, almost picturing his face.

"... Right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? Did you like it? I'm already working on a second chapter that will be from Vanjie's POV. Did he see the live? Did he realized Brooke was talking about him? What did he think about it? What is he gonna do now?
> 
> Comment below if you'd like to see Chapter 2! And if there's anything that you'd like happening between them


	2. What do I want?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanjie sees Brooke's live, and he has a very important decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I reference some things that actually happened. If you are not up to date with their clownery, you can find the details here:
> 
> Vanjie and Silky pranked called Brooke, and he didn’t recognize them. You can see it here:  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CAM08mjpVVP/?igshid=tt568wgdhsrv  
> And Brooke went live the next day and found out because of fans that it had been Vanjie and Silky - he had no idea - and he said Vanjie never texted him after to let him know it had been them.  
> I also talk about Silky reading Brooke’s future live with Monopoly cards, you can find the link for that in the beginning of chapter one.

"Bitch, you crazy!"

Vanjie was cracking up at Silky, as usual, who was throwing bottles in air trying to act like a professional bartender while making a drink. Quarantine had been hard at first, but it became a lot better when Silky decided to just temporarily move in with Vanjie. They were already neighbors, and the first weeks Silky would just crash Vanjie's place for a few hours a day -he already had a key so it was nothing new-, but Vanjie was a very social person and that was not enough. He was used to being on tour and in shows, which basically meant being surrounded by people all day, and he loved it. So to go from that to being alone in her apartment was definitely rough. That's why Silky ended up grabbing some of her stuff and making herself at home in Vanjie's guest room - or technically his drag room with some adjustments made. Silky was his absolute best friend, his best Judy, his ride or die. There was no one he'd rather be quarantined with. Well, maybe there was someone...

He was still laughing at her silliness and praying he wouldn't break anything when he got a notification on his phone that Brooke was live on Instagram. Yes, he still had notification on for Brooke Lynn, but only for his lives. He wouldn't admit that he didn't need notifications for his stories because he would check them out a couple of times a day already and never missed once.

He just wanted to know what he was up to, you can't blame him for that, right?

They still kept in touch a little bit - nothing too serious, just some chit chat every once in a while through DM’s on Twitter or Instagram. He even pranked called him the other day during a live to congratulate him on Canada's Drag Race, and he had to admit it hurt a little bit -or a lot - when Brooke didn't recognize his voice. Yes, he made a fake voice at first, but then he clearly called out his name with his real and pretty characteristic voice, and he just hung up on him. Vanjie didn't even bother texting him after that to tell him it had been him. Was he really THAT over him that he didn't even recognize him anymore? Brooke used to say he could recognize that loud Puerto Rican voice anywhere. I guess that was no longer true...

A few days after that, he even went live with him so Silky could read him his future with Monopoly cards - Vanjie wasn't really sure how that worked but he was pretty drunk and it looked like fun. The thing is that Silky, who is simultaneously the biggest supporter and the biggest opponent to his relationship with Brooke, asked him if he wanted to know his future with "a certain someone" - him - and Brooke was on board with it. That didn't end up happening because Vanjie called it off - it had a lot of potential to become a disaster. But Brooke had been okay with it. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Did Brooke see any type of future between them?

Things with Brooke had been getting more and more confusing these past weeks, especially since he not only moved to LA, but he moved a block away from him. Brooke knew where he lived so that couldn't have been a coincidence… Right? This relocation would've been exciting news anyday, except for the fact that he didn't find out about this from Brooke. He found of from Silky. Who found out from Akeria. Who found out from Plastique. So basically everyone knew except him. Why didn't he tell him himself? Did he not want him to know?

Vanjie stared at the Instagram notification again. He was so tempted to watch, but A) he didn't want to look desperate, like he was instantly watching every live he made, and B) Silky was already giving him shit for being too aware of Brooke’s every move (which wasn't completely untrue...). So he knew that if he watched it right there, he would have to hear from Silky, again. He decided to just leave his phone charging in his room to avoid temptations, and join Silky in his bartender experience. Once their drinks were done - which surprisingly tasted pretty good - he couldn't resist it anymore and went to his room to check Brooke's live, but he was met with almost hundreds of messages and comments from fans telling him that Brooke was making a live... about him? And they were saying something about a song?

What?

He quickly clicked on Brooke's profile, but the live was already over. How could it be over so soon? It had started like 10 minutes ago! He checked, but Brooke hadn't saved it. It wasn't available anymore. It wasn't there.

"Nooooo!"

Vanjie couldn't help letting out his frustration. What had happened on that live? He cursed himself for not watching it when it started.

Silky rushed to the room with a worried expression on his face.

"What? What happened? Are you okay?"

Vanjie groaned.

"Yeah, sorry, I’m fine…”

Silky raised an eyebrow at him

“Well what happened then?”

Vanjie sighed.

“It's just… Promise you won't judge me, okay?"

"Bitch when have I ever judge you?"

Vanjie rolled his eyes. He usually judged him when it came to Brooke, but he knew it was always in a caring kind of way.

"Brooke Lynn was live. Like 10 minutes ago. And I didn't watch it because we were hanging out, and now I have like a million messages from fans telling me the live was somehow about me? But it’s already over and the bitch didn't make it available to watch! So I have no clue what it was about!"

Vanjie groaned again and threw himself on his bed with his face against the pillow. He felt the weight of the bed change, which meant Silky had sat next to him.

"Bitch, relax. I'm sure it wasn't a big deal, maybe he just mentioned you…”

Vanjie made a muffled sound against the pillow. Silky didn’t understand what he said, but he clearly wasn’t satisfied with the answer. He knew how Vanjie got with anything Brooke-related. Even after more than a year, he still got under his skin so easily.

“Look, if you really wanna know, why don't you check one of the hundreds 'Branjie' accounts that I know you follow on Instagram? I'm sure someone must've recorded it and they are probably uploading it right now."

Vanjie's face light up. Of course! Branjie accounts! They always recorded Brooke's lives.

He got his head out of the pillow and wrapped Silky in a hug.

"Silky, you are a mother fucking genius."

“I know” said Silky with smugly.

It was a weird thing having accounts made to stan your relationship with your ex boyfriend. Because unfortunately, by the time they were created, Brooke and him were not a thing anymore. So when the season aired, not only he had to endure seeing his then dead relationship blossom on national television, but he had to see hundreds of posts about them, pictures, videos, screenshots of any interaction they had online, everything. He couldn’t blame the fans, they had no idea they weren’t together anymore. And as exciting as it was to see himself on TV, he also had to see himself lip syncing against the person he cared so much about, and lose his chance at the crown because of him. So it had been a bittersweet experience... But he still followed some of those Branjie accounts as a guilty pleasure, and occasionally punished himself looking at their pictures when he felt particularly nostalgic. But in this case, they were a really good thing.

He went to his go-to Branjie account, the one that he knew still updated frequently, and... There were no new posts today. But there was a new story.

> "OMFG did y'all see Brooke's live just now? I am dying!!!!! Will post it soon"

Okay, okay.... That was good. At least it meant someone had recorded it. And he would be able to watch it soon.

"So? Did you find it?" asked Silky, his curiosity already peaking.

"Well, kinda. I found someone who recorded it and said they would upload it."

"Well that's great! Now you just have to wait"

"Yeah..." 

Now he just had to wait...

Unfortunately, patience was not one of Vanjie's virtues. So he immediately refreshed the page. And then he did it again. And then again. And then again. He saw Silky staring at him from the corner of his eye.

"You are just gonna stay here refreshing the page until the video is up, aren't you?"

"Yep" he answered, without even looking up. He didn't need Silky's look to know he was being an idiot.

He heard him leave the room, figuring he’d leave him alone to obsess, but he returned a minute later with both of their drinks and his cellphone, and sat next to him.

"Which page are you checking?" He asked as he handed Vanjie his drink.

"Umm branjieverywhere"

"Okay, you stay on that one and I'll check others to see if I can find it."

Vanjie couldn’t help but smile fondly. He loved Silky to death, but in that moment he felt particularly lucky to have a friend like him by his side. Even when he knew he was being stupid, he still stuck by him. He made a quick mental note to thank him later somehow. Probably with food... Or alcohol. Or both.

They stayed there refreshing Branjie pages for what he felt were hours, but had probably only been a few minutes, while Vanjie complained about how long it could possibly take to upload a five minutes video. Until finally, they found it.

Vanjie's eyes widened.

"Silk! Silky, it's up. The video is up."

"Well come on, let's watch it!"

"Yeah..."

Vanjie stared at his phone, his heart suddenly beating faster as he felt panic setting in. What if it wasn't what he imagined? I mean he didn't know what it was about, but because of the fan's reaction and all the messages, his expectations were pretty high. A small part of him was dreaming about some ‘I really miss Vanjie’ kind of moment, although he knew that was a long shot. He took a deep breath and pressed play, with Silky right next to him.

The first minutes was just Brooke chit-chatting with the viewers, and after a confusing introduction about the people he had hurt and the people he loved - was he talking about him? - the lipsync started.

_“...the next song is called The End of the World, by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels.”_

“I know this song…” Silky whispered, looking at the video with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Well? What is it about?”

“Bitch, just listen.”

.  
.  
.

_"It kinda does feel like the world is ending, right…? Right…?”_

By the time the video ended, tears were streaming down Vanjie’s face, who was staring blankly into the screen.

“Silk… What the hell was that?”

“I… -”

“Silky, what the hell was that?! Was that… Was that for me? Was he talking about me?” he sniffled and grabbed some tissues he luckily had around.

“I - I don’t know V, my first guess would be… yes? I mean, he didn’t say any names, but...”

“What - What does this mean? Does he… Does he want to get back together? Is he still in love with me?”

“I don’t - “

“And what am I supposed to do now? Should I text him? Call him? Should I just go over there? Because the song said ‘If the world is ending you’d come over, right?’ and then at the end he clearly said he felt like the world was ending. Does he want me to go over? Ugh, I need to watch it again.”

“Vanj, calm down.”

He pressed play again as Silky tried to get him to relax, but that was not gonna happen.

“But if I go over to his house, what am I supposed to say? ‘Hey I saw the video. That was about me right?’”

“Vanjie-”

“And what if he says no. What if it wasn’t about me and I look like a fucking idiot.”

“Vanj-”

“Or worse, what if the person that he actually dedicated the song to is already there. And I go and find them together. That would be the most embarrassing thing in the world.”

“VANJIE! Breathe!”

Silky grabbed Vanjie by the shoulders and looked straight at him.

“Breathe…”

He took a deep breath, trying to get Vanjie to match his rhythm, and it took a few seconds but it worked.

“Sorry…” whispered Vanjie, 

“It’s fine. Let’s just analyze this calmly, okay? I know that song, it is clearly meant for a lover, you don’t sing that shit to you sister or your mom.”

“Right…”

Silky had already googled the lyrics and was re-reading them.

“It’s meant for an ex-lover. Someone you’ve had a relationship with, and it didn’t work. But you are still in contact. And you still care about them… I think this has your name written all over it.”

Vanjie’s face light up.

“You think?”

“Well, did Brooke have another boyfriend after you? I know you were his first.”

Vanjie thought about it for a minute… He hadn’t heard or seen anything that indicated that Brooke had been in another relationship. They had a lot of mutual friends, he would’ve found out about that… Plus, the fans were all over him and any interaction he had with anyone, so if the fans didn’t suspected anything, it was a fair guess to say no.

“I’m pretty sure he didn't.”

“Well, then we can safely assume he was talking about you.”

“Okay, but what do I do now, Silk?” 

Vanjie was starting to panic again, so Silky grabbed his hand and looked at him.

“Listen, I don’t know what you should do now. But I think there’s a more important question that you need to answer before that.”

Vanjie looked at Silky puzzled, not understanding where he was going.

“Look, I’m not sure what Brooke wants to get out of this. I don’t know if he wants to get back together with you, or if this is the corniest booty call in the history of the world, or if he just wants you to know that he still cares about you. But before figuring out what to do, you have to figure out what YOU want.”

Silky’s wise words were sinking in. He was right.

“Let’s say Brooke wants to get back together with you. Do YOU want that?”

Vanjie opened his mouth to answer, but Silky interrupted him.

“And I know your first instinct is to say yes, because I know better than any other hoe that you never got over his canadian ass. But I was also there to pick up the pieces when he broke your heart. I was there from the beginning of your relationship, and I know how much you suffered. Are you sure you want to risk going through that again?”

Vanjie looked down and started fidgeting with his shirt, and Silky took the opportunity to keep going. His words might be harsh, but Vanjie was his best friend and he hated seeing him in pain.

“Let’s face it Vanj, the reasons for your break-up are probably still there. You are both still busy as hell, the man is most likely still afraid of commitment, and I say this last part with all the love I have for you, you are still a possessive and controlling bitch when it comes to your boo.”

“Hey!”

Vanjie was a little upset at Silky’s last comment, but deep down he knew he was right. Vanjie always struggled with the little jealousy monster inside of him, that constantly drove him to do stupid shit that ended up harming the relationship. He blamed his Latino blood for it, but he knew that was just an excuse. But he was actually working on it and trying to be better! Not just for Brooke, but for himself. He knew jealousy was a bad thing, but it was so hard to control it. And let’s face it, the drag world didn’t make it any easier, with everyone being so drunk and sexual all the time, and everyone lusting over both Brock and Brooke Lynn - because of course he had to be the sexiest thing ever both in and out of drag.

Silky was also right about everything else he had said. Stupid, smart Silky… 

Except for one little detail.

“I know one thing that is different. The Brooke from a year ago would have never done what he did today. That shit was probably the most romantic thing he has ever done.”

“That’s true… That was a very un-Brooke like move….” Silky said thoughtful.

“V, you know I’m gonna support you no matter what you choose to do. That’s what ride or dies are for.” he nudged Vanjie, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.

“I’m just saying, give this some thought before you rush into anything, okay?”

Vanjie nodded, already lost in his thoughts.

“I’m gonna be in the living room. Just yell if you need me, okay?”

Vanjie smiled weakly at him, and Silky gave him a much needed tight hug before leaving.

Now it was time to figure things out. And whatever he decided today had the potential to change his life forever.

“What do I want…?” Vanjie whispered to himself.

“What do I want…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Vanjie gonna do? What's gonna happen between them? Who knows... Honestly not even I know how this is gonna play out, because I have a general idea but I just start writing and let the characters take me where they want to go. So we're gonna enjoy this ride together lol
> 
> One more chapter to go, I'm already working on it. There might me some light smut in the last chapter if things go right, how would you feel about that?
> 
> Comment your thoughts below! ❤️


	3. There was only one answer...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanjie makes-up his mind. Brooke was not expecting it.

Vanjie was weak. He was usually a very strong person, with a fierce personality, never afraid to speak his mind, not letting anyone step over him, dominating a room as soon as he stepped into it. 

But when it came to Brooke, he was weak.

He melted under his touch from day one. He craved his attention like a drug, every little praise that came out of his lips making him feel on top of the world. Every caress making his skin burn, sending shivers throughout his body.

So when the slightest chance of getting back together with Brooke suddenly appeared, there wasn't really a choice to be made. There never had been when it came to Brooke.

The answer would always be yes.

Even when his heart had been shattered into a million pieces when it ended, even if he had been in so much pain he thought he would actually die from it. He'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, just for one more chance. Just for one more night. Just for one more kiss.

Because Vanjie's emotions had always been more intense than everyone else. He was a very sentimental person, which not only meant the pain was stronger, but also the love. And every happy memory he had had with Brooke was imprinted in his heart and in his mind.

Brooke wasn't his first. But he had really thought he would be his last... The connection they had just so strong, even from the beginning. They basically started dating in the middle of the most stressing competition in the world, for God's sake. Something that hadn't happened in over 10 years of Drag Race. That had to mean something, right...?

...Right?

And now here he was. All dressed up, bathed in cologne, standing in the doorstep of the person that he considered the love of his life... Panicking about how things would go down, wondering if he was making the right decision... But knowing deep down it was the only decision he could make. So he took a deep breath, knocked on that door and prayed for the best.

///

Brooke had had to end the live right after the song ended, because he was already struggling to keep the tears from falling, and he was NOT gonna cry on live in front of thousands of people. That was a definite no for him. He had already cried once on national television and that was enough for a lifetime.

Would you believe him if he told you that he didn’t cry when he broke up with Vanjie? Of course you would. Because everyone thought he was a cold-hearted bitch. The Queen of the North, right…?

It was true, though. Not that he was a cold-hearted bitch, but that he hadn’t cried when they broke up. At least not in front of Vanjie. As soon as he stepped out of his apartment that cold, dark night, the tears had started falling. But during the five months that they dated - which might not seem like a lot for some people, but it felt like a lifetime to him - he never once cried in front of him. Which didn’t make a lot of sense if you thought about it, Vanjie being someone very connected with his emotions, never afraid to say what he felt, to cry, to be vulnerable… Certainly one of the many things he admired about him. But Brooke was just… Not that way. There was something inside of him constantly telling him that he needed to be strong. So whenever they fought, and Vanjie broke down, he didn’t allow himself to break down by his side. He forced himself to be the strong one. The cold one. The one with the clear head. The one that made decisions based on logic, and not emotions. Maybe if he had listened to his heart a little bit more, things would’ve turned out differently...

He had shed many tears for Vanjie since he met him. More than he would’ve liked. But all of them in secret. All of them privately. Never letting anyone see him down. And now here he was… With dried up tears, taking off his makeup, already in his boy clothes, wondering once again if Vanjie had seen the live… He hadn’t received any text or calls from him, so his guess was that he hadn’t. Which was probably for the best… It had been a stupid idea anyways.

As he threw the last dirty wipe in the trash, he heard a knock. He figured it was the sushi he had ordered as comfort food, so he looked for his wallet and went straight to the door, glad that the delivery had been so fast because the whole experience had left him starving.

He opened the door, and the sight made his jaw drop, his eyes widen, and his heart skip a beat.

“Vanjie…” he said, barely aware of the name leaving his lips.

He hadn’t seen him in months. Not in person, at least. God, he was even more gorgeous than he remembered.... His hair was perfectly styled, as usual, but he could tell he had put extra effort in it. He had one of his famous tank tops with the low cut that gave you a sneak peak of his nipples from the side - the ones that always drove Brooke crazy. And he also recognized his pants. Those white jeans that, even if he couldn’t see it from the front, he knew that they made his ass look just perfect. And his cologne… It was the same one he used when they were together. And it invaded his nostrils, going straight to his brain and bringing up so many memories. 

“You gonna stare at me all night or you gonna let me in, stud?”

Brooke felt the heat going to his face, completely oblivious to the fact that the had been staring at him like an idiot for much longer than socially acceptable.

He muttered a 'sorry' as he opened the door further and moved out of the way so he could come in, his brain incapable of forming a coherence sentence in that moment. He couldn't believe Vanjie was there. He had actually come over...

This was going to be… Interesting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay please don't hate me! My initial plan was to end his story on chapter 3, but... This ended up being a nice build up to the conversation that they are going to have, so I decided to post it as a chapter itself, so you already know where everyone's mind are going into this.
> 
> The good news is that the final chapter is almost ready! And I'm really liking it so far, so I hope you will too. 
> 
> Will be posting it soon!
> 
> Leave your thoughts below ❤


	4. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year of unspoken feelings are about to explode.
> 
> How will things end up?

As soon as Vanjie stepped inside, Henry and Apollo went straight to him, meowing and purring, rubbing against him leg.

“Hey babies! How are you? Is Brooke treating you right?”

He started petting them, trying to divide his attention between the both of them as they practically jumped on him. Brooke rolled his eyes at his last question, but he was really surprised by their reaction. They hadn’t seen Vanjie in over a year. They weren’t even this happy to see him after a long trip.

“Wow… They recognized you...”

“Bitch of course they recognized me!”

Vanjie was almost offended at the idea that they wouldn’t. He had developed a great relationship with them while they were together. He loved them, and they loved him back.

“Looks like they missed you…”

He continued to pet both of them and sat on the floor to be more comfortable.

“Are they the only ones that missed me…?”

Brooke choked at the question. Of course he had missed him horribly, but he hadn’t really said it out loud before since they broke up, let alone to him.

“I…”

Vanjie chuckled.

“I see some things haven’t changed…”

Brooke looked at him puzzled. 

“What do you mean?”

“You still can’t talk about your feeling.” stated Vanjie matter-of-factly.

“I don’t… That’s not-” 

“Which is why I was very surprised when I saw your performance...”

Brooke face fell.

“Oh… So you… Saw the live?”

“Yes bitch, of course I saw it, why you think I’m here?”

Brooke looked away embarrassed. 

“Right, yeah… That was a stupid question…”

Why did he struggle so much with words around Vanjie? Was it that hard to not make a complete fool of himself?

“Now, I took a big guess and assumed that the song was meant for me… Was I right?”

Brooke simply nodded in agreement, and he was sure he saw Vanjie let out a relieved sigh. Had he really thought there was a chance the song was meant for someone else? Did he not know he was the only man he had ever loved?

Vanjie moved from the floor to the couch and took Henry with him, as Apollo sat by his side, both of them still asking for his attention. Brooke sheepishly joined him on the other side of the couch, afraid to close the distance between them just yet.

“So… ” Vanjie played with the cats as he talked, not really looking at Brooke “I figured the song was for me… But what I’ma need your help understanding is… What did you mean by it…?”

Brooke took a deep breath. He was afraid this question was coming. He knew it was going to come eventually, so you’d imagine he’d have an answer by now, right?

“Well… The truth is I… I’m not sure…”

Brooke could see the pain in Vanjie’s eyes, the answer clearly not what the other man was expecting.

“Look, I heard this song a couple of days ago and I’ve been playing it over and over again ever since, and everytime I heard it I… I thought of you…”

Vanjie remained in silence, looking at him, expecting a better explanation, so he continued.

“To answer your initial question, yes, I’ve missed you. A lot. And this song just made me think about, you know, if the world was actually ending, if I had one day left to live, who would I want by my side to spend it with. And the answer was… You…”

Vanjie’s face lighted up and a shy smile appeared on his face, but the situation was already feeling too vulnerable for Brooke.

“So…?” he asked expectantly.

“So… I just… Wanted you to know that…”

His expression completely changed in less than a second, his smile now a frown and his eyes suspicious.

“So you just… Wanted me to know.” he repeated mockingly. “You got in full drag, practiced a performance, went live, even waited for people to join, just because you wanted me to know that if you were ‘bout to die, you’d want me by your side? Is that it? Because, I’m not buying it.”

Brooke could tell Vanjie was clearly upset by his answer. He was starting to feel a little guilty about his choice of words. Especially because he knew they weren’t entirely true...

“Well, I mean, when you put it that way I-”

“Well guess what Brooke? You ain’t dying. I ain’t dying. The world is, hopefully, not ending. So what do you want now?”

Vanjie’s words were harsh. Henry and Apollo completely forgotten by this point, his attention focused completely on Brooke, who was struggling for an answer. He obviously wanted Vanjie, but things had ended so badly the last time that he just....

“I… I don’t know, V. I know that’s not the answer you came here looking for, but it’s the truth, I don’t know what I want right now.”

Vanjie stared right into Brooke’s eyes.

“Well, I do. I know what I want.”

Brooke was startled at Vanjie’s word and the determination in his voice.

“After watching your video, Silky basically forced me to sit down and think about what I wanted before making any decision. And I realized that…. I want you.”

Brooke felt his mouth open and his heart twist as soon as those three words left his lips. Vanjie moved closer to him, looked him in the eyes and gently grabbed his hand, the small contact making his skin sizzle.

“I want you, Brooke. I miss you. I miss us. And I’m pretty sure the whole world knows that I never stopped having feelings for you.”

Brooke opened his mouth to answer but there was a knot in his throat as feelings overtook him.

“And I know what you are probably thinking, because it’s the same thing that I thought. If it didn’t work last time, why would it work now, right?”

Brooke nodded his head shyly. It wasn’t exactly what was on his mind at the moment, but it was true. And it was something he had thought about multiple times, whenever the idea of getting back together popped into his head.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I do feel like I’ve grown since we broke up. Losing you really made me rethink some of the things I’d done… Some of the attitudes I had. I ain’t gonna sit here and tell you that I ain’t a jealous hoe no more, because that would be a lie. But I have been working on it. And I recognize my flaws now. I know I… I pushed too hard. A lot of times you needed your space and it made me mad because I didn’t understand it. Cause let’s face it, I don’t need no space. I could spend 24 hours a day next to you, everyday, and for me I’d be the best thing ever.”

Brooke knew that part was true, he had always been amazed at how much Vanjie wanted to spend every minute they possibly could together, not once getting tired of him, never really wanting to be alone. It actually made Brooke feel guilty for needing his privacy every once in a while.

“But I understand now that we are different in that way… And that you needing your space don’t mean you love me less or you are sick of me. It just mean you need some time for yourself, to recharge your energies. And that’s okay…”

Brooke could not believe how mature Vanjie sounded right now. How clear things were for him. He felt embarrassed for not having his own stuff figured out. 

“And yeah, are schedules are crazy. But they’ll always be crazy. Or at least I hope so, cause that mean people still want to see us perform. But if you wait for your calendar to be free to start a relationship, then you probably never will…”

Brooke was at a lost for words. Everything Vanjie had said suddenly making so much sense. So he said the only thought that he had in mind.

“I’m just…. Scared… To hurt you again. If it doesn’t work out. I can stand my own pain, but I can’t risk breaking your heart again...”

“Well that ain’t your risk to take, big boy. It’s mine. And I’m willing to take it.”

Vanjie smiled tenderly at Brooke, who just looked down and fidgeted with the end of his shirt, not knowing what to respond.The situation much too overwhelming for him.

“Look Brooke, I didn’t come here to beg. Cause that’s not who I am. And also, I don’t want to be with someone who don’t wanna be with me. I just came here to see where your thoughts were, and to tell you how I felt. And truth be told, you are way more lost than I had imagined… So, you figure out your shit and call me when you make up your mind. I’m gonna let you do your thinking, I’m just gonna go…”

Vanjie stood up to leave, and just like that Brooke’s mind cleared up, the idea of Vanjie leaving making his heart ache. He didn’t want him to go. He didn’t want him to ever go. He wanted Vanjie.

He grabbed his arm to stop him, and stood up next to him, closer than they had been since he showed up.

"José, wait."

He could see Vanjie react at his name. He didn’t use it often, them being both drag queens that worked together they had gotten used to going by their drag names. Just made things easier. But what he had to say next needed to be said at José, not Vanjie.

“I don't have to think about it.”

He let go of his arm and grabbed his hands, intertwining their fingers, as he saw his eyes grow bigger.

“I spent most of our relationship thinking. Overthinking, analyzing, trying to find the most logical course of action. I was so worried about our future that I didn't even enjoy our present. And where did that led to? Two broken hearts and a grown ass canadian making a fool of himself on Instagram Live trying to get a Puerto Rican’s attention.”

Vanjie chuckled as the tears started forming in his eyes.

“I'm not gonna overthink anymore. I'm gonna do what I should've done the first time around, and listen to my heart. And what my heart wants… Is you.”

Tears were already streaming down Vanjie’s face and his voice was cracked.

"Wha- What does that mean, Brock?"

"It means that I love you. And I want you back."

It didn’t happen often for him, but right now, Vanjie was speechless. This moment something he had dreamed of so many times, and somehow hearing those words was even better than he could've imagined.

"And I know we have a lot of shit to figure out if we want it to work this time. But I think we owe it to ourselves to give this another try. Because I'm... I'm better when I'm with you, José. I'm happier when I'm with you. And I swear this time I will do whatever it takes, because I... I don't want to lose you again. I can't. I've lived over a year without you, and even though it was an incredible year, where so many amazing things happened... Every time I had a win, I wanted you to be there with me to celebrate. And every time I saw you getting another amazing opportunity that I always knew you’d get, I always debated whether it was appropriate to text you or not. And when I was down, I always remembered how good you were at comforting me and wished you were by my side. You’ve been on my mind ever since we broke up. Actually, you’ve been on my mind since the first day I saw you at the work room.”

Vanjie was flabbergasted. He didn’t know how to react.

“And you talked before like the break-up was your fault. That you pushed me. But if we’re handing out blames, I’ve got a big piece of that cake. Because I never opened up to you. If I hadn’t been so terrible at telling you how I felt, you would’ve probably understood me better and things could’ve been different... And I should’ve paid more attention to your needs. You always put me first, and I don’t know if I can say I did the same all the time. But I should’ve. Because you deserve it. I could’ve answered your texts faster, I could’ve talked to you more often when I was away. I knew you were a sucker for romantic gestures, and let’s face it, I didn’t…I never… I wasn’t a very good boyfriend...”

Vanjie’s eyes were red and the tears were streaming down his face like a waterfall.

“Yes, you were” he whispered, his voice breaking as he spoke, and he held Brooke’s hand tighter, reassuringly.

“No, I wasn’t. But I can be. I know I can be better. In fact…”

And idea hit Brooke. It was stupid, cheesy, and just the kind of thing he knew Vanjie would love. He dropped to one knee, still holding Vanjie’s hands.

“Wha- What are you doing?” cried Vanjie.

“José Cancel: Will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend again?”

Vanjie was completely overwhelmed, almost wanting to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming, Brooke on one knee a sight he was sure he would never see.

“Oh my God!” Vanjie struggled to find words between his sobbing. “Yes! Yes, you big idiot!”

He helped Brooke up, and they stared at each other with the biggest grin in their faces. The grin turned into a soft smile as Brooke caressed Vanjie’s cheek, and gently pressed their lips together, the feeling even more wonderful than he recalled. His tongue asked for permission at Vanjie’s mouth, who allowed it eagerly. Things started to get more passionate, both of them trying to express a year worth of feelings into one kiss. A year of longing. One of Brooke’s hand went to Vanjie’s hair and the other to his hip, as Vanjie wrapped both his arms around Brooke. They pressed against each other, desire exploding into moans, groans and grinding. Brooke grabbed Vanjie by his thighs and lifted him up, the other man wrapping his legs around him instantly and intensifying the kiss. Brooke could tell some things hadn’t changed, Vanjie always aroused at how strong Brooke was and how easily he could lift him like he weighed nothing. He placed his hands in his perfectly round ass, and he carefully walked forwards until he found a wall, pressing Vanjie against it as their tongues fought for dominance inside their mouths. 

“Bedroom?” Asked Brooke, with his breath shallow and his pants tighter than ever, but still wanting to make sure they were on the same page. 

Vanjie nodded eagerly, his eyes filled with a lust he remembered perfectly. Brooke adjusted his grip on Vanjie’s ass and took them both to the bedroom, pushing the door open with his feet without breaking the kiss. He laid his lover in his bed and, despite Vanjie’s groans when he pulled away, he closed the door, making sure they wouldn’t be bothered.

The cats meowed on the other side of the door, demanding access, but Brooke and Vanjie were busy starting a new chapter of their lives. One that would hopefully last for a very long time. Maybe even forever... And as the sun rose the next morning, rays of light sneaking through the curtains, finding Brooke laying in bed with Vanjie tangled around his body, the man he loved so fiercely, the man he had missed so much this past year, the man he had met under the most unusual circumstances and had made his life so much better, suddenly forever didn't sound so scary anymore...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay if that isn't the cutest fucking ending ever then I don't know what is 😭
> 
> I decided to write it mainly from Brooke’s POV because IN MY OPINION, he is the one who struggled the most with the relationship, even if he really loved him, and who I believe broke things off, because in the reunion back in 2019, Vanjie looked devastated. So I thought his side would be more interesting to read.
> 
> I really like how this turned out and I really enjoyed this journey. I'd love to hear your thoughts about it 😊


End file.
